A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend. We were joking about how sometimes we just wish that we could take a nap for a week or even a month at a time. I was (and I still am) in the middle of a growth storm, and feeling exhausted an overwhelmed.
THEN my stepsister had a nervous breakdown. I don't know everything that played into it, but I know that she has 3 kids under 3, nearly lost her life a couple of times, and post-pardom depression and anxiety may have played a part in addition to some other things. I watched as all of the family tried to help her husband care for the littles while she was in the hospital. Her eyes were open, and she would sit up, but she was not responsive to what was happening around her. She is now doing a little better. She is out of the hospital, but the Drs say that it could take her a year or more to fully recover- if she ever does.
This spooked me a little because I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, but I CAN'T have a break down. I'm a single mom, and my daughter only has me. Not that my stepsister had a choice... I'm sure that she didn't. But still... what would happen to my daughter if she no longer had me?
And I realized... I DO shut out the world in my own minuscule way. I struggle, and rather than reaching out to friends, I hide. I binge watch TV. I stop answering my phone. I "zone out" and shirk responsibilities. This is part of the reason why I'm reaching out now and sharing my truths. It's easy to think that everyone else has their life figured out except me. It's easy to feel ashamed that I don't have it all worked out. But instead of asking for help, I hide. I shut people out. But I need to change or else I could end up like my stepsister. When I finally opened up to a friend about how I was feeling, I was surprised to find out that she was having many of the same feelings that I was having. I also learned that she hides from the world and does not reach out for help either. Why do we all do that? Why do we think that we have to face this world's challenges alone? This is part of the reason why I've started writing again: It helps me process the things that have happened, and I hope by sharing that we will all feel less alone, more connected, and better able to ask for help... before all the worries and struggles fester and get bigger and we have a breakdown.
The truth is... no one has it all figured out. Even if one person has one area of their life figured out, they may still struggle in another area. It's easy to compare ourselves to one another, but that is a trap. When we compare ourselves to others we are usually comparing someone else's strengths against our own weaknesses. It's no wonder we always feel like we are coming up short!
If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't hide from the world. Open up! Comfort and joy can sometimes come from the most unexpected places. Many workplace insurances cover therapy visits to help you work through your issues (mine does), and there are many friends who would be willing to lend an ear. Don't ever think that you have to do it alone...
AND... resist the urge to compare yourself to others. The only person you have to be is your best self. Many times we punish ourselves because of the things that we haven't accomplished. BUT what would happen if when a baby was learning to walk the mother said, "Why aren't you running yet?" Just as we celebrate a baby's first steps, we should celebrate our own small victories.
My small victory today was showering before work. I still didn't put on any make up, but I got out of bed in time to shower and I made it to work on time. What is your small victory today?
No comments:
Post a Comment