On one hand, I feel lonely and I crave grown up conversations. I long to feel in love and have a man to kiss and to date.
On the other hand... I'm working two jobs, and I'm trying to be a good mom and trying to spend as much time with my daughter as I can. I have a full plate.
Dating is different now. When I was in high school and college I would want to spend every minute with someone who I was excited about. Now the time I have is limited and I find that I don't get excited about many people. Time is a HUGE consideration. I'm learning that my time is even more of a commodity than my money. Parenting takes a lot of time. I can't leave my daughter at daycare for 12 hours per day, and I can't send her to one place for the whole day when I am at work just to leave her somewhere else all evening or night. I couldn't stay out all night if I wanted to because I have to get my kid in bed (I'm too tired to do that anyway), and my ex doesn't take her for visits (don't get me wrong- in many ways that's a good thing), but I don't have every-other weekend free. AND I work two jobs and sometimes work on the weekends. PLUS... I WANT to spend as much time with my daughter as I can. I want her to have memories of us having fun together- not just as the stressed-out stern mom that I often have to be in order to get us out the door ontime. I want to raise her right and not allow other people to do it for me.
So it limits the time that I can spend dating unless and until I introduce my date to my child... Which is a dilemma in and of itself. How soon do you introduce your kid to someone who you've been dating? It seems like it naturally makes a relationship more serious once your dates start meeting your kids. I've heard that some women don't allow their kids to meet to their dates until they have a ring on their finger, and others don't care. And it's tough because you don't want your kid to bond with someone who you're not sure is going to stick around, but it becomes hard to live two separate lives and keep them both separate. It's tough to juggle "free time" when you don't have much to begin with.
On one hand I don't have time to waste on men who I can't see a future with. On the other hand, I'm somewhat socially awkward, I could probably use the dating practice, and I could probably use the opportunity to get out of the house once in awhile and have a grown up conversation or see a grown up movie.
AND... hopefully I won't be dating a creep or a pedophile, but especially when you meet someone online... you just never know.
The current dilemma is this: I met someone on a dating app. I don't know him well. We went for our first date last Friday. We went to a soccer game. It was pretty fun. He was goofy an a little awkward, but I'd go out with him again if he asked. I'm not super excited about him, but I guess I could use a friend and we will see where it goes from there.
He just asked me out for Friday night. Weeknights are tough for me- including Fridays because I work all day. I've said earlier, I can't leave my daughter for that long. She needs her mama. And I like to spend as much time with her as I can. I usually try to make dates for Saturday night because at least we have most of the day together. Last Friday I made an exception because I can't say, "You want to go to a soccer game? Do you think they could reschedule it for Saturday?"
But these are my options:
- say yes and deal with the behavior problems that come when my daughter doesn't get enough time with mommy and deal with the stress of trying to figure out babysitting and finding someone that I trust to watch her for me
- try to reschedule for Saturday when my Saturday is already packed and emotionally charged, or
- cancel. BUT next weekend my chorus has a show Friday and Saturday, so if I cancel I can't reschedule for at least two weeks. At that point he will think that I'm not interested in him.
I said I'd go Friday, but it fills me with mommy guilt and with dread over finding a sitter...
Does it ever get any better?
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