Dating Dilemmas

So... dating.

On one hand, I feel lonely and I crave grown up conversations.  I long to feel in love and have a man to kiss and to date.

On the other hand... I'm working two jobs, and I'm trying to be a good mom and trying to spend as much time with my daughter as I can.  I have a full plate.

Dating is different now.  When I was in high school and college I would want to spend every minute with someone who I was excited about.  Now the time I have is limited and I find that I don't get excited about many people.  Time is a HUGE consideration.  I'm learning that my time is even more of a commodity than my money.  Parenting takes a lot of time.  I can't leave my daughter at daycare for 12 hours per day, and I can't send her to one place for the whole day when I am at work just to leave her somewhere else all evening or night.  I couldn't stay out all night if I wanted to because I have to get my kid in bed (I'm too tired to do that anyway), and my ex doesn't take her for visits (don't get me wrong- in many ways that's a good thing), but I don't have every-other weekend free.  AND I work two jobs and sometimes work on the weekends.  PLUS... I WANT to spend as much time with my daughter as I can.  I want her to have memories of us having fun together- not just as the stressed-out stern mom that I often have to be in order to get us out the door ontime.  I want to raise her right and not allow other people to do it for me.

So it limits the time that I can spend dating unless and until I introduce my date to my child... Which is a dilemma in and of itself.  How soon do you introduce your kid to someone who you've been dating?  It seems like it naturally makes a relationship more serious once your dates start meeting your kids.  I've heard that some women don't allow their kids to meet to their dates until they have a ring on their finger, and others don't care.  And it's tough because you don't want your kid to bond with someone who you're not sure is going to stick around, but it becomes hard to live two separate lives and keep them both separate.  It's tough to juggle "free time" when you don't have much to begin with.

On one hand I don't have time to waste on men who I can't see a future with.  On the other hand, I'm somewhat socially awkward, I could probably use the dating practice, and I could probably use the opportunity to get out of the house once in awhile and have a grown up conversation or see a grown up movie.

AND... hopefully I won't be dating a creep or a pedophile, but especially when you meet someone online... you just never know. 

The current dilemma is this:  I met someone on a dating app.  I don't know him well.  We went for our first date last Friday.  We went to a soccer game.  It was pretty fun.  He was goofy an a little awkward, but I'd go out with him again if he asked.  I'm not super excited about him, but I guess I could use a friend and we will see where it goes from there.

He just asked me out for Friday night.  Weeknights are tough for me- including Fridays because I work all day.  I've said earlier, I can't leave my daughter for that long.  She needs her mama.  And I like to spend as much time with her as I can.  I usually try to make dates for Saturday night because at least we have most of the day together.  Last Friday I made an exception because I can't say, "You want to go to a soccer game?  Do you think they could reschedule it for Saturday?"

But these are my options: 

1. say yes and deal with the behavior problems that come when my daughter doesn't get enough time with mommy and deal with the stress of trying to figure out babysitting and finding someone that I trust to watch her for me
2. try to reschedule for Saturday when my Saturday is already packed and emotionally charged, or 
3. cancel.  BUT next weekend my chorus has a show Friday and Saturday, so if I cancel I can't reschedule for at least two weeks.  At that point he will think that I'm not interested in him.

I said I'd go Friday, but it fills me with mommy guilt and with dread over finding a sitter...

Does it ever get any better?

Who needs sleep? Well, you're never gonna get it...

A couple of weeks ago I was talking with a friend.  We were joking about how sometimes we just wish that we could take a nap for a week or even a month at a time.  I was (and I still am) in the middle of a growth storm, and feeling exhausted an overwhelmed.

THEN my stepsister had a nervous breakdown.  I don't know everything that played into it, but I know that she has 3 kids under 3, nearly lost her life a couple of times, and post-pardom depression and anxiety may have played a part in addition to some other things.  I watched as all of the family tried to help her husband care for the littles while she was in the hospital.  Her eyes were open, and she would sit up, but she was not responsive to what was happening around her.  She is now doing a little better.  She is out of the hospital, but the Drs say that it could take her a year or more to fully recover- if she ever does.

This spooked me a little because I feel like I'm at the end of my rope, but I CAN'T have a break down.  I'm a single mom, and my daughter only has me.  Not that my stepsister had a choice... I'm sure that she didn't.  But still... what would happen to my daughter if she no longer had me?

And I realized... I DO shut out the world in my own minuscule way.  I struggle, and rather than reaching out to friends, I hide.  I binge watch TV.  I stop answering my phone.  I "zone out" and shirk responsibilities.  This is part of the reason why I'm reaching out now and sharing my truths.  It's easy to think that everyone else has their life figured out except me.  It's easy to feel ashamed that I don't have it all worked out.  But instead of asking for help, I hide.  I shut people out.  But I need to change or else I could end up like my stepsister.  When I finally opened up to a friend about how I was feeling, I was surprised to find out that she was having many of the same feelings that I was having.  I also learned that she hides from the world and does not reach out for help either.  Why do we all do that?  Why do we think that we have to face this world's challenges alone?  This is part of the reason why I've started writing again:  It helps me process the things that have happened, and I hope by sharing that we will all feel less alone, more connected, and better able to ask for help... before all the worries and struggles fester and get bigger and we have a breakdown.

The truth is... no one has it all figured out.  Even if one person has one area of their life figured out, they may still struggle in another area.  It's easy to compare ourselves to one another, but that is a trap.  When we compare ourselves to others we are usually comparing someone else's strengths against our own weaknesses.  It's no wonder we always feel like we are coming up short!

If you are feeling overwhelmed, don't hide from the world.  Open up!  Comfort and joy can sometimes come from the most unexpected places.  Many workplace insurances cover therapy visits to help you work through your issues (mine does), and there are many friends who would be willing to lend an ear.  Don't ever think that you have to do it alone...

AND... resist the urge to compare yourself to others.  The only person you have to be is your best self.  Many times we punish ourselves because of the things that we haven't accomplished.  BUT what would happen if when a baby was learning to walk the mother said, "Why aren't you running yet?"  Just as we celebrate a baby's first steps, we should celebrate our own small victories.

My small victory today was showering before work.  I still didn't put on any make up, but I got out of bed in time to shower and I made it to work on time.  What is your small victory today?

I now choose to heal my body.

Years ago when I was battling childhood cancer, my mom would make me repeat this mantra several times per day:

I am Happy and Healthy and Strong, and I now choose to heal my body.

I always thought that she was silly for making me do it, and even now as an adult I tease her about her "voodoo-Dr" cures.  I don't think that we should completely replace regular Dr's, but I have to admit that the messages that we tell ourselves are very powerful and they can make a huge difference.

Over the last few days I have re-adopted this mantra.  I am no longer battling cancer, but I am struggling with exhaustion and feeling overwhelmed.  But I notice that when I say "I'm exhausted" it makes me want to feed my daughter cereal for dinner and curl up on the couch as soon as I get home from work.  When I tell myself "I am happy and healthy and strong and I now choose to heal my body," it reminds me to be thankful for the things that are going right and somehow gives me the energy to cook dinner for my daughter and play with her after dinner.

So if you are feeling overwhelmed and exhausted, I encourage you to look at what you are saying to yourself.  Even something like "I'm exhausted" could make your exhaustion worse.  Adopt my mantra, or find your own and just see if it helps...

I Commit to Telling My Truths

I am in the middle of a storm.

I'm on a spiritual journey- a quest of body, mind, and spirit.  I have already been learning valuable lessons and I have had some interesting life experiences.  I am 40 and I still don't have it all figured out yet.  But I'm on a path of self discovery, trying to figure it out.  I am not sure what the best medium for me will be (if it will be blog, video, book or some other form), and I am still struggling to find my voice, but I think if I just start where I am...  I need to start somewhere.  I hope I can admit my shortcomings, celebrate my successes, and hopefully help others along the way.

I've been reading Rachel Hollis' "Girl, Stop Apologizing", and it has inspired me to take some action into embracing and achieving my goals.  I have a lot of great ideas, and I've had a lot of interesting experiences.  Maybe if I just start writing and sharing...

For so long I have tried to put on the front that "everything is ok".  Now it's time to share my truths:  my personal struggles, my hopes, my dreams, my fears.  I commit to share the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I commit to put myself out there.  I commit to put mommy guilt aside.  I commit to stop caring what others think of me.  I may not always be perfect, but I commit to be myself and to keep doing the best that I can.

I believe in the power of intention, so maybe I should start by listing some of my dreams/ goals:

1. Support myself and my daughter
2. Visit every continent
3. Visit every US state
4. Travel writer
5. Unlock the secrets of the 4 hour work week
6. Become a New York Bestselling author
7. Invest in Real Estate
8. Sell on Amazon
9. Become "the banker" (not a banker)
10. Get an advanced degree in choral conducting
11. Create the most entertaining shows that people flock to see my shows
12. Grow my audiences
13. Lead my chorus on the international stage
14. become a successful business owner
15. Have all the time that I want to spend with my daughter
16. Own several businesses
17. I want it all!
18. Help others create connections
19. Foster win-win relationships
20. Write books
21. Make movies
22. Teach people to be better parents
23. Inspire others to follow their dreams
24. Be a motivational speaker
25. Become an Opra or an Ellen
26. Start a non profit to help single moms
27. Become a music therapist
28. Become a school counselor
29. Lose weight
30. Get married
31. Have more kids
32. Start my own record label
33. Start my own film company
34. Teach others how to get control of their finances
35. Start my own clothing line
36. Have a farm and sustainable living

And some of the businesses I'd like to own:

1. Real Estate Investing
2. Music School
3. Alternative to Health Insurance
4. Chick-fil-A
5. Country Store and restaurant
6. Penny P's Pick-your-own Pumpkin Patch
7. A Production company (for live events and films)
8. A recording company
9. Store owner
10. School of Finance
11. Non-profit to help single moms
12. Non-profit to provide scholarships for music and arts education
13. Travel agency
14. Matchmaking/ husband training business

These goals are in no particular order.  As you can see, I have varied interests and I dream BIG.  Some may say that they are too lofty, or that I'm too old or it's too late to start.  Some of my goals may change or evolve over time.  Admittedly, I may have to choose which ones are the most important bucket list items... But here they are in all their glory.  So if you see me try and fail... I'm still learning.  If you see me try something and then start something completely different... It may look random to you, but it's not random to me.  At least I'm trying, and I'm doing, and I'm figuring it out as I go.

Saving for later

Just looking for a way to save this link.

https://54189dreriyr4t9ixvsq1m0la4.hop.clickbank.net/

I've tried all the FREE methods, and now I want to try this.  Potty training in three days.  I wonder if it works!

Potty training in 3 days?

Halloween Movie Madness... Gettin' in the mooOOood

Looking for ways to get into the Halloween spirit, but need a few ideas of movies that are appropriate for families, kids, tweens, and teens?  Here is a list of some of my favorite Halloween movies to give you a few ideas.  Some of these are specifically Halloween, others could be all-year favorites but with Halloween elements (such as Witches, Zombies, Mysteries, Magic, Aliens, or Monsters).  Some are just for fun, some are comedies, some are eerie, and some make you want to jump or scream.  Ultimately you are the parent, and you know best what will be too scary for your child, but I hope this list gives you a few ideas:

G rated favorites:

• Adventures of Ichabod and Mr Toad
• It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown
• Monsters Inc & Monsters University
• Muppets from Space
• Scooby Doo and the Legend of the Vampire (animated)
• Scooby Doo in Where's My Mummy (animated)
• Vampire Dog
• Wallace and Grommit and the Curse of the Were Rabbit

PG rated favorites:

• Casper
• Corpse Bride
• Coraline
• Ernest Scared Stupid
• Goonies
• Halloween Town
• Haunted Mansion
• Hocus Pocus
• Hotel Transylvania 1 & 2
• Little Monsters
• Monster House
• Nightmare Before Christmas
• Paranorman
• Race to Witch Mountain
• Scooby Doo 1 & 2 (Escape to Witch Mountain and Monsters Unleashed)(Live Action)
• Spaced Invaders
• Tower of Terror
• Watcher in the Woods (this one scared the pants off me when I was a kid, so be careful)
• Witches
• Young Frankenstein

These are rated PG, but they are not for super young kids.  They might have been rated before the ratings changed.  In any case, I think they are closer to PG-13:

• Beetlejuice
• Clue
• Ghost Busters 1, & 2
• Something Wicked this Way Comes

PG-13 rated favorites:

• Addams Family & Addams Family Values
• Alfred Hitchcock movies- especially The Birds
• Beautiful Creatures
• Bewitched
• Brothers Grimm
• Death Becomes Her
• Dracula Dead and Loving it
• Dylan Dog
• Evolution
• Ghostbusters (2016)
• The Golden Compass
• Gremlins
• Harry Potter 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8
• I am Legend
• I am Number Four
• I, Frankenstein
• Independence Day
• League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
• Love Potion No. 9
• The Monster Squad
• The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Mummy 3,  and The Scorpian King
• Mystery Men
• Pirates of the Caribbean 1-5
• Practical Magic
• Pride & Prejudice and Zombies
• RIPD
• Sherlock Holmes 1-2
• Stardust
• Twlight Series (to be honest, I could never really get into these, but they seem to be extrememly popular among teenagers and above)
• Vampire Academy
• Vampires Suck (the best movie in the Twilight Series)
• Warm Bodies
• The Woman in Black
• World War Z

Still need more viewing options?  Here are some TV series that should help keep you busy:

• Bewitched (8 seasons)
• Charmed (8 seasons)
• Grimm (6 seasons and counting)
• Heroes (4 seasons)
• The Munsters (at least two seasons)
• Once Upon a Time (6 seasons and counting)
• Psych (8 seasons)
• Sabrina the Teenage Witch (7 seasons)
• Shadowhunters: The Mortal Instruments (2 seasons and counting)
• Vampire Diaries (8 seasons and counting)
• Veronica Mars (3 seasons)
• The X files (10 seasons and counting)

A word of caution...  Just because movies have the same rating, does not necessarily mean that they are appropriate for the same age group.  Maybe in a future post I will break down the list by age instead of by rating, and I will update this blog to include links to the movie trailers, but here is a good start to get you going on your Halloween fun.

And a few more that are just for you.  They would require lots of censorship if sharing these programs with your teenagers or children, or see if they are available on VidAngel

Being Human (4 seasons)- sensuality, violence and gore.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer (7 seasons)

iZombie (3 seasons and counting)

How did I do?  What have I missed?  What are some of YOUR favorite Halloween movies?  Let me know in the comments.

The Most Ridiculous Protest

Just down the street for Winco in Midvale is a retirement community that is nearing completion.  I happened to drive by the other day, and I saw that there were two people (one man and one woman) in front of the building with a big sign that said, "Shame on Cascades at Riverwalk."  It was right next to a sign that said, "Cascades at Riverwalk- Now Hiring."I was curious, so I stopped and rolled down my window.

I asked what the protest was all about, and the man said, "We're not allowed to talk about it."

I was silent for a bit thinking, "WHAT?!  Then why in the hell are you out front protesting?  Why can't you talk about it?"  After awhile the woman said, "But we can give you a flyer..."  It then took her a minute or two to find the flyer and give it to me.

First of all, I would consider it an embarrassing failure if only two people showed up to a protest.  Secondly, if they can't talk about it, then why are they out there?  What do they want from people?  What do they expect us to do?  Thirdly, if their objective is to educate people and hand out flyers then they should have them ready to go when people stop to ask about the protest.

Do you want to know what the protest was all about?  Apparently the construction company that worked on Cascades at Riverwalk doesn't fully pay for family health insurance.

Call me a heartless bitch, but who really cares?!

First of all, employers are required to OFFER health insurance for their workers and their families NOT fully pay for the insurance.  Many employers will cover PART of the cost of the insurance for their employee, but I haven't heard of a single company that fully pays for family health insurance.  Some companies don't cover part of the health insurance at all- even for their employee.  My husband's job doesn't supplement the cost of insurance at all.  Health insurance is offered but it's REALLY crappy, and we have to pay the full cost of insurance out of our own pockets.  I have no sympathy for the protestors.  At least they have a job.  If they don't like it, they can look for another job with a company that has better benefits.

Secondly, they are targeting the wrong people.  They should be targeting the construction company, not Cascades at Riverwalk!  As a business owner, if I were to need something built, I would get a quote from two or three construction companies and choose the one that gives me the best deal for my dollar.  I WOULD NOT check to see if the construction company pays full health insurance benefits to it's employees.  (That's just me)

They claim that Cascades at Riverwalk is desecrating the American way of life.  Give me a break!  And give them a break!  They are a new business just getting ready to hire employees and open.  Even after reading the flyer of the protestors, I would still apply to work there if I was looking for work.  I would still check out the community to see if it's appropriate for my grandmother.  I think their protest is an embarrassing failure.  Maybe the protestors should apply there to see if the benefits are any better at Cascades at Riverwalk.